trochę długi (może przesadnie 
) ale niezły!!!
Voodoo Penis
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I
don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except..." and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back
to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would
willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she
became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the
road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck
in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"
------------------------------------------------------
ten jest lepszy
w sumie mozna by go przetłumaczyć, ale mi się nie chce
We're Making Babies
Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his
wife upstairs for sex. Just when they were really getting into
it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"
"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.
"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her. We are
making babies."
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple
went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on
the steps, crying.
"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.
His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mommy
yesterday. The mailman is upstairs eating them!"
-----------------------------------------
ogłoszenie
London Times Ad
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.
---------------------------------
Mom Explains Sex To Her Daughter</B>
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her
youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get
married. One night they go into their room...they kiss
and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.)
That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's
vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What
do you get when a you do that?
Mom: Jewelry, dear.
--------------------------------------------
The Mailman And The Poor, Poor Cat
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the
class, and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat under his
shirt. She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Johnny started crying. "I'm trying to save his life. I
woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my Mommy, 'I'm
gonna eat your pussy today!'"
--------------------------------------------
Which Body Part Goes To Heaven First?
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular
day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body
went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have
a mind in order to believe in God".
The teacher praised the little girl, as a little boy raised his
hand. The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven
first because God is all about love".
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw
Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought I'm not gonna like
this, "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes
to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says,
"Your feet".
The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven
first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parent's bedroom
last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said,
"Oh God, I'm coming!"
) ale niezły!!!Voodoo Penis
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I
don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except..." and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back
to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would
willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she
became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the
road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck
in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"
------------------------------------------------------
ten jest lepszy
w sumie mozna by go przetłumaczyć, ale mi się nie chce We're Making Babies
Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his
wife upstairs for sex. Just when they were really getting into
it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"
"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.
"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her. We are
making babies."
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple
went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on
the steps, crying.
"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.
His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mommy
yesterday. The mailman is upstairs eating them!"
-----------------------------------------
ogłoszenie
London Times Ad
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.
---------------------------------
Mom Explains Sex To Her Daughter</B>
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her
youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get
married. One night they go into their room...they kiss
and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.)
That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's
vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What
do you get when a you do that?
Mom: Jewelry, dear.
--------------------------------------------
The Mailman And The Poor, Poor Cat
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the
class, and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat under his
shirt. She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Johnny started crying. "I'm trying to save his life. I
woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my Mommy, 'I'm
gonna eat your pussy today!'"
--------------------------------------------
Which Body Part Goes To Heaven First?
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular
day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body
went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have
a mind in order to believe in God".
The teacher praised the little girl, as a little boy raised his
hand. The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven
first because God is all about love".
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw
Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought I'm not gonna like
this, "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes
to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says,
"Your feet".
The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven
first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parent's bedroom
last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said,
"Oh God, I'm coming!"
--
