Mary hears the car drive up, then a clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams.

Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then John comes into the house with his golf clubs, scowling and cussing.

"What's the matter, Dear, you have as bad day on the golf course?" asked Mary.

"Ya, what a rotten day! What a rotten round of golf! Why I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."