First:
A man goes to the doctor, feeling ill.
The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king!"
She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles -- the works. After dinner, she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.
She leads him into the bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep, knowing she kept her promise.
Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her and whispers, "Honey?"
She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again, once they are done, she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances, she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally, the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!"
Second:
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
And Third...
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior, get promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk, and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"No, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside.
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy?" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon, a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good. But I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that 'gonorrhea' means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later, Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What did you give me the okay for?"
"Well, Bubba, in the dictionary it says gonorrhea only affects the privates." Then he points to his stripes and says, "But we's sergeants now!"
A man goes to the doctor, feeling ill.
The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king!"
She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles -- the works. After dinner, she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.
She leads him into the bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep, knowing she kept her promise.
Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her and whispers, "Honey?"
She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again, once they are done, she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances, she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally, the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!"
Second:
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
And Third...
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior, get promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk, and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"No, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside.
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy?" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon, a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good. But I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that 'gonorrhea' means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later, Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What did you give me the okay for?"
"Well, Bubba, in the dictionary it says gonorrhea only affects the privates." Then he points to his stripes and says, "But we's sergeants now!"
