I. Upiorny

Uprałem bluzę, ale zapomniałem wyjąć z kieszeni słuchawek. No, ale dźwięk jest, i to czystszy.

II. Pracowy

Zostałem testerem telewizorów oraz testerem kanap. Robię na dwa etaty, a jednocześnie się obijam.

III. Chemiczny

''Na pierwszym miejscu powinien być wodór, a nie jakaś żona i dzieci''.
D. Mendelejew.

IV. Wiadrowy

Jeżeli spotkasz babę z wiadrami pełnymi uranu - to zapowiedź wzbogacenia.

V. Rtęciowy

- Bardzo się martwię, bo mój syn urodził się 1 sierpnia, kiedy Merkury wciąż był w retrogradacji. Droga wróżko, pomóż, proszę, zrozumieć, jak to może wpłynąć na los mojego syna. Z góry dziękuję.
- Merkury w retrogradacji w tej sytuacji jest bardzo niepokojący. Istnieje duże prawdopodobieństwo, że dziecko zostanie wychowane przez pieprzniętą madkę.

VI. Operacyjny

Zrobiłem wazektomię, ponieważ nie chciałem mieć dzieci.
Ale kiedy wróciłem do domu, wciąż tam były.

VII. Kosmiczny

- Dlaczego na Ziemię jeszcze nie przylecieli kosmici?
- Kierują się poziomem ocen, a nasz system ma tylko jedną gwiazdkę.

VIII. Porównawczy

W restauracji można polać żywą ostrygę sokiem z cytryny i pokroić ją, a w eksperymencie naukowym jest to nieetyczne.

IX. Końcowy (P)

Z egzaminu na kowala wywalono czeladnika. Miał ściągawkę wykutą na blachę.

VII
A my to kto? Spoza kosmosu?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajbN3dlDfzE

btw. innej inteligencji w kosmosie to pośród innych ktoś wykonał jeszcze takie obliczenia/analizę a propos sond von Neumanna:

The idea of self-replicating spacecraft has been applied – in theory – to several distinct "tasks". The particular variant of this idea applied to the idea of space exploration is known as a von Neumann probe. Other variants include the Berserker and an automated terraforming seeder ship.

In 1981, Frank Tipler[3] put forth an argument that extraterrestrial intelligences do not exist, based on the absence of von Neumann probes. Given even a moderate rate of replication and the history of the galaxy, such probes should already be common throughout space and thus, we should have already encountered them. Because we have not, this shows that extraterrestrial intelligences do not exist. This is thus a resolution to the Fermi paradox – that is, the question of why we have not already encountered extraterrestrial intelligence if it is common throughout the universe.

A response[4] came from Carl Sagan and William Newman. Now known as Sagan's Response, it pointed out that in fact Tipler had underestimated the rate of replication, and that von Neumann probes should have already started to consume most of the mass in the galaxy. Any intelligent race would therefore, Sagan and Newman reasoned, not design von Neumann probes in the first place, and would try to destroy any von Neumann probes found as soon as they were detected. As Robert Freitas[5] has pointed out, the assumed capacity of von Neumann probes described by both sides of the debate are unlikely in reality, and more modestly reproducing systems are unlikely to be observable in their effects on our Solar System or the Galaxy as a whole.

Another objection to the prevalence of von Neumann probes is that civilizations of the type that could potentially create such devices may have inherently short lifetimes, and self-destruct before so advanced a stage is reached, through such events as biological or nuclear warfare, nanoterrorism, resource exhaustion, ecological catastrophe, or pandemics.

Simple workarounds exist to avoid the over-replication scenario. Radio transmitters, or other means of wireless communication, could be used by probes programmed not to replicate beyond a certain density (such as five probes per cubic parsec) or arbitrary limit (such as ten million within one century), analogous to the Hayflick limit in cell reproduction. One problem with this defence against uncontrolled replication is that it would only require a single probe to malfunction and begin unrestricted reproduction for the entire approach to fail – essentially a technological cancer – unless each probe also has the ability to detect such malfunction in its neighbours and implements a seek and destroy protocol (which in turn could lead to probe-on-probe space wars if faulty probes first managed to multiply to high numbers before they were found by sound ones, which could then well have programming to replicate to matching numbers so as to manage the infestation). Another workaround is based on the need for spacecraft heating during long interstellar travel. The use of plutonium as a thermal source would limit the ability to self-replicate. The spacecraft would have no programming to make more plutonium even if it found the required raw materials. Another is to program the spacecraft with a clear understanding of the dangers of uncontrolled replication.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-replicating_spacecraft

VIII Ostryg się nie kroi, tylko połyka w całości.