One liners

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well (Anon)

You can see what God thinks of money by the kind of people he gives it to (Dorothy Parker)

There being three types of mathematicians: those who can add up and those who can't (Anon)

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter (Mark Twain)

'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.' (Mae West)

Pretentious? Moi? (Miss Piggy)

Politics is just show business for ugly people (Jay Leno)

Trying is the first step towards failure. (Homer Simpson)

'I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. (Tommy Cooper)

'Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.' (Woody Allen)

'My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.' (Les Dawson)

'I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. (Bob Newhart)

'I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.' (Eric Morecambe)