1.A new map of the world has been drawn. The north pole is at the top , the south pole at the bottom , and every other fuckin pole is in Britain !

2.An interesting fact, Tiger Woods and Lewis Hamilton shared the same nick name at school ..........Nigger

3.Shit myself last night at the airport, a fuckin muslim rushed in screaming "allah allah allah allah .... allava coke and a bag of nuts please" the stuttering bastard

you think that might be offensive? you must be new to the internet

Q.What do you call a fat chick with a yeast infection?
A: A whopper with cheese.

Q:How do you know if your girlfriend is too young?
A:You have to make airplane noises to get your cock in her mouth!

Q:What do 7 out 8 people enjoy?
A:Gang Rape!

A man is talking to his wife one evening when he asks her to tell him something that will both piss him off and make him happy at the same time.

She thinks for a few moments and replies "Your cock is bigger than your best friends'..."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk wrote the word "PERIOD" on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Buggered if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and Uncle Bob shit himself."

Q: How long does it take for a woman to orgasm?
A: Who the fuck cares


I'm a terrible gardener. I had a rock garden once; three of them died.

Q: What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little girl?
A: "Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"

polish guy has just arrived in Dublin and is so overwhelmed at his good fortune he stops the first person he sees and say "I love your country, it is so beautiful" the woman replies " sorry, I am not Irish, I am from india"

Undetered our polish friends stops the next man he sees " I have just arrived in your country, your city is amazin" the man replied he was from Africa, not Irish.

The pole stops the next man stiill overcome by his good fortune he commented " I love your country, the land of oppurtunity" The guy responds " I am from china, not Iwish" So the pole ask were are all the Irish? the china man looks at his watch and replies "pwobably a work"!

Q. Why do Pakistani women have the red dot on the forehead?
A. Because the husband smokes while they make love.

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on
the Richter scale has hit Albania.
Two million Albanians have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where
to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
France is sending troops to help the Albanian army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other European countries are sending
supplies.
America is sending food and money.
Great Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Albanians.

Q: What’s the correct way to eat a frog?
A: Put its legs behind its ears.

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a playground

Q. What do you call an Ethiopian with a swollen toe?
A. A golf club.

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs taste like shit!

Why so many black guys died in Vietnam war?

'Cause every time someone yelled 'Get down" they started dancin'.

Stick your tongue out.
Move it up and down.
Relax.
Now move it left and right.
Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeve's workout video.

What's the most popular gameshow in Ethiopia?

Meal or No Meal.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all."What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?"

A policeman seeking to join the London Met's Firearms Department, is being interviewed.
The Commander doing the interview says: "Your qualifications look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a loaded service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot twenty illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, sixty Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude", says the Commander. "When can you start?"

How do Muslims practice safe sex?

They mark the camels that kick.

a man making live to his new girlfriend notices a photo of another man on her bedside table. he asks her: is that your ex husband? no, she replies. ex boyfriend? no, she replies. your dad or brother? no, she answers. well, who the hell is it, he demands. she replies...

it's me six months ago....

no offence.

obama is the 1st black president.

lewis hamilton is the 1st black F1 world champ.

will smith the worlds highest paid actor.

how times change, its a real good time 2 b black.

poor old michael jackson must b fucking kicking himself

and last one

a paki got knocked down and killed by a lorry outside my house today.
I thought ''wow, that could have been me''...

...but I cant drive a lorry

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen quid."
She says, "FIFTEEN quid? You're crazy. For fifteen quid, I'll let you LOOK at it."
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you."
He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"
She says, "Go ahead."
He says, "Can you piss through all that hair?"
She says, "Of course."
He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

The sickest joke I've ever heard, you really can't get sicker than that


What is gross ?
A barrel full of dead infants

What is grosser than that?
One at the bottom is alive

What is grosser than that?
It eats its way to the top

What is grosser than that?
It reaches the top and comes back for more

Two Middle -Eastern mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'
'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.
'He's a martyr now ,though,' Mum confides.
'Oh, so sad, dear,' says the other.
'And this is my second son, Kalid. He would be 21.'
'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily.
'He had such curly hair when he was born.'
'He's a martyr, too,' says Mum quietly.
'Oh, gracious me ..' says the other.
'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would be 18,' she whispers.
'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically. 'I remember when he first started school.'
'He's a martyr, also,' says Mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother
looks wistfully at the photographs and says...
'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

I see that mass-murderer Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was welcomed with Scottish flags upon his return to Libya.

Next time the head of a goatshagger country comes to Britain, who's up for greeting the cunt with Mohammed Cartoon flags?

Did my biology exam on Friday. I was asked to name something commonly found in cells. Apparently niggers is not the correct answer.