Komentarze beda po polsku, korespondencje zostawiam w oryginale, dlatego tez dzial "English Jokes".

Zachcialo mi sie profilu na myspace.com. No i mam nauczke. Zaczelo sie od maila:

"Hi, I'm Kelly...can you send me your Email address so that i can mail you all about me and send you my pics?i will be waiting to hear back from you soon."

Mysle, a co mi tam. Odpowiadam. Nastepny mail juz ze zdjeciami (fajna laska).

"How are u today? Good to hear back from you,i was born in Florida Ft Lauderdale....i must tell u am outta town at the moment...am in africa to buy some materials for my works and also to attend an exhibition..am an artist babey.....we could get very familair with each other thru the mails while am away....hope ur not dissapointed am out of town now....i should be home in bout few days from now......i really wanna settle down with a man that will be real with me cos am not getting younger anymore...have gat so many bad relationship with guy that just want sex with me not true love i just need a real man to settle down with my ex-boyfriend took advantage of me,he sold my house and ran away with another woman that is why it hard for me to trust man ....i will be very happy if you can be the kind of man am looking for...

Let me just say a lil bout what i like.....I love all type of music, it ranges from salsa, merengue, r&b to classic music, it all depends on the mood. I'm learning to play the piano which i hope i can make my way around soon, i won't promise to sing but i will play. I love poetry. I love small cozy places to eat, i like a quite atmosphere which makes a conversation more pleasant, your attention will be totally with the person across the table..

My favorite food it's my mother's cooking but its so sad she is not around me anymore, love italian, sushi, i love paella, pasta, thai, a big juicy steak, hamburgers are great! ribs.

My favorite color is red, black, and white. Love candles, video games, Love movies especially comedy..

Hope to hear back from u soon.
Kelly Grant"

No to odpowiadam.

"I got some spare time so I'm rushing to answer Your mail. My name's..., I'm.... I was born and raised in Poland, still live here. I have no siblings..."

I jeszcze pare slow o sobie.

Jest odpowiedz:
"Hello
Thanks for the mail you send me and am very happy to hear back from you too.i really don't know i can meet an honest man like you on internet dating.... hope you gat what am doing in art?i used to draw and design, i do wanna have my own family to get settle down with cos am not getting younger anymore and,i lost my parent last 4 years by car accident on there way coming back from wedding since then i have no one to care about me cos am the only child that my parent have.Have been hurt some much from my ex-date and i don't want that to happento me anymore,you really sound nice to me and i promise to be real with you in any way and i want you to be real with me also.Am going to tell you why am looking for a man that will be real with me."

Tu nastepuje 3 dniowa wymiana maili informacyjno-grzecznosciowych. Potem dostaje wiadomosc:

"Hi,
I hope you are having a good day; I miss you and wish you were here with me. I was thinking about you and wanted you to know how much you are loved and missed.
Remember how I told you I have a million thoughts going through my head at every second of every day? Well, you are always my main thought and every other thought in my head revolves around you. I think of "our" new life together, every second of every day. I just want you to know that I do want to get married and I can't think of a better person to marry than you. I can't honestly tell you where I'd be right now if I didn't have you. Since I've met you, I've been so happy. If I don't have you, I have nothing, so why not fight for the only thing I do have that means anything at all! You are my world, you consume my every thought, word and whisper. You are there ... you are always there, and always will be. I will never let you go, I'd rather die first.
I've been alone my whole life and I'm tired of searching, I will look no further. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be with anyone. You complete me, there's no longer an empty, meaningless space. I thank you for that, for you will never know how much you mean or how much you are needed. You are the reason I get out of bed every day, you are the reason I have something to look forward to in my life. You are my every need and want. When I fantasize, I think of you, my every intimate thought consists of you. I hope you are as happy as I am. I would do anything to make you as happy as you've made me! Baby, you make my life worthwhile and you do it effortlessly, I love you now and forever.
Love always,
Kelly"

Wow. Tego sie nie spodziewalem. Zwlaszcza po 5 dniach "znajomosci". Pierwsza mysl - wkreca mnie jakis kumpel. Ale nie, nie mam tak wrednych kumpli. Jedyna szansa na wyjasnienie historii to podjecie gry. Wiec pisze:

"Dear Kelly,

I wish I was there too. I've been thinking a lot about You and about us. And every time I do that I feel the happiest man alive. You are every man's dream and I'm the luckiest guy alive, because I have You. There's no words to describe it. I've never felt like this before. I'm counting every second till Your next mail.

Love,"

Jest odpowiedz:
"Dear...
The first day we were introduced over the computer, I knew you were the one for me. The first hello and the first goodbye we both knew. It has been a little over week and we are still fondly in each other's minds, souls, and hearts. Before I met you I had no idea what love really was until my heart truly started aching for you. Every day we did not chat, and each day we are apart, tears ran down my face unconditionally for the longing of you near me. I never knew a man could have stolen my heart and made it truly his. I never knew I could love a man more then my own life. I long for the day I can finally look into your beautiful soft kind eyes and tell you how much I love you, and need you. The true beginning of my life is when you are going to be here in MY LIFE. These long years we have both waited, and all my dreams are finally coming true. I don't know about all of yours? Seeing you every day is going to be the biggest blessing to my heart knowing you are in touching reach of me, which does scare me, however in a wonderful way. You are my every heartbeat, my every gasping breathe of life. What I need to survive and make it through this lonely world can only be conquered with you by my side. I do not think there are any words that could describe the way I actually feel about you. All I know, is you,YOU are the only man that is in my mind, the only man that is in my soul, the only man who truly and unconditionally has my heart for my lifetime and many more lifetimes the world has to offer us. When I think about you, my eyes start to water because I know you are somewhere else and not in my arms. But the thought of you keeps me going and going for another breathe of fresh air to keep my longing for you in my life going. I will never leave, and I will truly never hurt you. I admire you. You are my inspiration for anything, and everything on this cold damp earth. I never thought my time would come to love, and then it came and I was hit with so much emotion and power I did not know where to put it all. I have stacked it piece by piece in my heart for you. I truly believe you are my soul mate, and you are the only man I will only give all I have to offer forever. I hope you never let go of me because I love you, and I know you love me too as much as I love you. Just the thought of you brightens my day completely, and sometimes I do bring you there on purpose to make myself happy when I am down. Picturing your smile makes me smile, and I cannot wait to actually see that adoring man I know with the unforgettable smile I know so soon. I treasure you locked in the big steel safe of my heart. I love you, sweetheart, and that is the only thing that is never going to change in my life. Always, and truly yours forever.
Loving you everyday,
Your Kelly"

I potem nastepuje wymiana kilku maili o zblizonej tresci. Po tygodniu "znajomosci" jestesmy jak Romeo i Julia. Bez trucizny i sztyletu, oczywiscie.

Robi sie coraz ciekawiej.
"Hello Honey
How are you doing today?i really miss you too in my life wish i was there with you so that you cn hold me tight... i want you to send me the nearest airport over there to me so that i can book for my Direct flight down to you....Am on my way to the bank right now to cash my check cos i came down here with check not cash.....Am going to let you know when i get back from the bank.....I love you and i can't wait to meet you in person...Love you

KELLY"

OK. Na wizyte sie nie nastawialem. Ale kontynuuje korespondencje. Zapraszam ja do siebie. "Ona" na to:
"Hello Honey
How are u doing today?I am so sad here at the moment..i have some serious problems on my hands here..i came down here with money orders and i was told i could not cash them here..the banks here say they do not cash money orders..it sucks here babey and all i do here at the moment is cry...i taught i was wise not to carry so much physical cash on me when traveling but guess i was wrong..i paid the hotel with the few physical cash on me when i came down here and when i needed money i found out about my not able to cash the money orders here..i just want to leave here now and be home..i have not even achieved what i came down here to do but i just want to get out of here now..its a mad place here..the hotel has been allowing me stay after the initial fee i paid expired cos they saw my orders and they knew its not my fault i cant cash the orders...they do have my documents with them thou so i wont run..wonder why they think i would do that..hope i have not just bored u with my problems?
hey can u help me outta this shit hole? i would owe u for life babey..dry my tears here and save me from this shit hole..and u would never regret u helped me...be my defender of the universe PLEASE..i have never had to ask for help this way before but this kinda things just happen..pls take a chance on me and i wont make u regret helping me..The Hotel management have gat my passport today cos i can't afford to pay for my hotel bills and they told me that i have just 3 days to throw me out of the hotel if i didn't pay for my bills...I have no where to go Honey if they should throw me out of the hotel that is why i seek for your help .I PROMISE TO PAY YOU BACK IN DOUBLE IF YOU CAN HELP ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.
Hope to hear back from u soon,


Your Love
Kelly"

Ha. W koncu wiem o co chodzi!!! Jasne... w sumie powinienem zakonczyc te zabawe, ale skoro poswiecilem juz tyle czasu, to z checia to pociagne. Wiec pisze:
"OMG!

How can I help You?!? Just tell me what to do? I'll do anything!"

Odpowiedz:
"Honey I really need your help so that i can pay for my hotel bills and book for my flight Direct to you over there ....i don't want to be disgrace here in Africa you know i have no one here to help me just only you ....My hotel bills is $715 and my flight ticket back to the states is $1300.i will be very happy if you can help me out honey i promise to pay you back immediately i get there with you ....Pls Dry my tears and put smile on my face Honey...waiting to hear good news from you.

Kelly"

Heh... no to odpowiadam:
"Sweet Kelly,

sure I help You. $2000 is all the savings I have, but that's not important. Just tell me how can I send You the money. Or give me the hotel phone number, I'll call them and pay for You."

Kolejna odpowiedz:
"Hello Honey
How are you doing today ?Am very happy to hear good news from you...i will be very happy if you can help me out of this place cos am tired of this shit here and i can't wait to be there with you...Yeah i can give you the information you going to used to send me the money Through Western Union.

Name: Kelly Grant
Country: Nigeria
State: Lagos
City: Ikeja
Zip Code: 23401

Honey when you send me the money do send me all the information that am going to used to get the money from western union.....
I will be waiting to hear back from you my love.

Kelly"

Jasne. Juz lece do Western Union. ;-) Ale odpowiadam:
"I went to the local WU office and ask them to transfer the money asap. I've sent You $2500. You can book the flight to Poland, I'll be waiting on the airport, just tell me when."

No i w koncu chyba zajarzyl/a:
"Hello Honey
I know you're playing games with me..thanks for all what you have done for me ...you promise to help me out and you sending me wrong information why?pls if you can't help me why can't you tell me "

Sciemniam dalej, ze kasa poszla. Dostaje odpowiedz:
"Hello Honey
I do trust you but the transaction does not go ...All the information you give me was not correct you just make me embarras at the Western union Yesterday"

Ha!!! Revenge's a bitch! Ale to jeszcze nie wszystko. Ciagne sprawe dalej:
"Hi,

there's something wrong. I just called the WU office and they've told me some Kelly Grant did collect the money in Nigeria! Are You trying to trick me? Is this some kind of sick joke??? I've send You all my money!!! If that wasn't You, that means that someone has stolen my money!!! All my savings!!! I will have to notify the police, asap!"

Czekam na odpowiedz. C.D.N...

Great. Good story to warn the possible...erm... (don'twanttocallthemidiotscozthingshappen)

BUT:

This is an English forum and that means we are using here English as well as we can. English. Only.

Savvy?

OK, I can re-edit that. Can I? I don't see an edit option...

Because it doesn't exit. Mod may do that. But then again, he may not. Depends on a Mod I guess...

I get it. I was afraid I'm blind. Well, we'll see. Just in case I'm starting the translation...

*exist naturally

Great story!!!

Why couldn't u write "f.k off"?

I wouldn't be so funny if I did.

I'm still waiting for another answer, if I won't get it soon I'll post the update with conclusion.

can`t wait for the conclusion