ANNOUNCEMENT – EUROENGLISH

The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German wich was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceeded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing enthusiasm in the second year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expected to reach a stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments wil ncourage the removal of double leters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag ar disgrasful and should go away. By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". Fuzermor, vords ending in "y" vil now end in "i". During ze fifz year, ze unesesari "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou".
Similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. For exampl, a singl "e" vuld replas "ea" and "u" vuld replas "oo". After ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a rel sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

zkeri

I've always loved that one

In response to this approach Tony Blair announced to harmonize the British traffic system with continental rules. Beginning in June, a testing phase will start in Northumberland to shift traffic from the left to the right side. To avoid any unappropriateness the testing is limited for 3 months and only for lorrys. The European Commission supports the project with a web-cam-monitoring system.

A Polish transport company took this project as an impact for introducing a new technique in transporting goods to UK, called RGBS: They ordered additional steering wheels to be installed at the back side of the lorrys. Thus each lorry can keep the same side of the road on the continent and in UK as well, just chosing the Reverse Gear & Backside Steering unit in UK.

People in Northumberland do not care about this news. They're busy with exercises for Euroenglish.