Hi folks !! Few stories overheard in Dublin - just brilliant stuff 
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I was standing at a bus stop on O'Connell street. There were two girls beside me talking in Irish to each other. Next thing you know, two local dubliners walk by and hear the two girls talking. One of the dubliners looks at the two girls and says -
"Hey f**k off back to yer own country"
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In one of the Dublin district courts during a hearing the injured party is being questioned by the defence barrister. The barrister is really trying to put pressure on the defendent and questions whether he can identify his client who alledgedly assaulted him. The injured party is sitting in the witness box and without flinching points across the room and says loudly...
"yer man there, the black fella."
The defence barrister looses the rag and begins ranting about being prejudicial to his clients skin colour and so forth. The barrister continues along this line of attack and says indignantly to the injured party who is still in the witness box....
"can you identify the man in this courtroom who you alledge assaulted you without referring to his skin colour?"
The injured party looks up at the judge and then at the barrister shrugs and says... "yeah."
The barrister asks him to do so. The injured party points again across the court room and says...
"yer man sitting over there between the two white blokes."
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On the way home from work on the bus. It's packed, it's hot and everyone is well and truly p***ed off (including the driver). The UCD stop comes up and the bell rings. Then the bell rings again and again and again and again. Obviously each person getting off thought they were the first to do it. Suddenly the bus driver slams on the brakes, turns on the intercom and roars at the entire bus....
"Will yis stop ringing the bleedin' bell, who the f**k do yis think I am?? I' not f***in Quasimodo!!!!!
Absolutely classic, the entire bus cracked up!
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At a well known tourist bar in Temple Bar the musicians are trying to get the crowd going.
MC: "Is there anyone her from Germany?"
Germans: "Yeahhhhh!!"
MC: "Is there anyone here from England?"
English: "Yeahhhhh!!"
Irish: "boooo!!"
MC: "Is there anyone here from Cork?"
Cork People: "Yeahhhhh!!"
etc. etc.
MC: "Is there anyone here from Limerick?"
Limerick People: "Yeahhhh!!"
MC: "Well the rest of yiz, mind your bleedin' handbags!"
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My mate's mother was walking towards a bus stop on parnell street. A bus pulled in just before she reached the stop she went up to talk to the bus driver.....
Mate's mother: "What number bus is this?"
Bus driver: "Its a 40, it says so on the front"
Mate's mother: "Yeah, but it says 40a on the side and 40c on the back?!"
Bus driver: "Well I'm not going sideways or backwards!!!"
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My brother was in Mulligans pub on Poolbeg street having a pint at the bar when a yank came up and said to the barman "Excuse me sir, where is your bathroom?". So the barman gave him directions and off went the yank. A few minutes later the yank returns and says to the barman "Excuse me sir, there's no lock on the door". The barman replied without looking up from the pint of Guinness he was pulling "As long as I've been here, no-one ever tried to rob a shite."
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Was in a particularly long queue in the GPO today with two howya's behind me (1 male and 1 female).
Male says to female:
'For jaysus' sake, we'll be queuing all day I'm nearly sober now!!!'
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Country girl gets on no. 16 bus and asks driver how much is the fare?
Driver replies: "where are you going?"
Country Girl says : "To get my hair done!!!!"
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Waiting for a train to Drogheda one winters night at Connolly Station,the announcer comes on the p.a. and says "Platform change, can all passengers transfer to platform 5 for the northbound service to Drogheda, Platform 5 please" Everyone, bar this one dude with headphones on, moves over to platform 5. The announcer comes on the p.a. again "I SAID ALL PASSENGERS MOVE TO PLATFORM 5" obviously pissed off that he's had to repeat himself. Guy with the headphones doesnt move. Announcer comes on again "ARE YA BLEEDIN DEF OR WHA??!!"
I love Irish Rail staff..
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I was standing at a bus stop on O'Connell street. There were two girls beside me talking in Irish to each other. Next thing you know, two local dubliners walk by and hear the two girls talking. One of the dubliners looks at the two girls and says -
"Hey f**k off back to yer own country"
###################
In one of the Dublin district courts during a hearing the injured party is being questioned by the defence barrister. The barrister is really trying to put pressure on the defendent and questions whether he can identify his client who alledgedly assaulted him. The injured party is sitting in the witness box and without flinching points across the room and says loudly...
"yer man there, the black fella."
The defence barrister looses the rag and begins ranting about being prejudicial to his clients skin colour and so forth. The barrister continues along this line of attack and says indignantly to the injured party who is still in the witness box....
"can you identify the man in this courtroom who you alledge assaulted you without referring to his skin colour?"
The injured party looks up at the judge and then at the barrister shrugs and says... "yeah."
The barrister asks him to do so. The injured party points again across the court room and says...
"yer man sitting over there between the two white blokes."
###################
On the way home from work on the bus. It's packed, it's hot and everyone is well and truly p***ed off (including the driver). The UCD stop comes up and the bell rings. Then the bell rings again and again and again and again. Obviously each person getting off thought they were the first to do it. Suddenly the bus driver slams on the brakes, turns on the intercom and roars at the entire bus....
"Will yis stop ringing the bleedin' bell, who the f**k do yis think I am?? I' not f***in Quasimodo!!!!!
Absolutely classic, the entire bus cracked up!
###################
At a well known tourist bar in Temple Bar the musicians are trying to get the crowd going.
MC: "Is there anyone her from Germany?"
Germans: "Yeahhhhh!!"
MC: "Is there anyone here from England?"
English: "Yeahhhhh!!"
Irish: "boooo!!"
MC: "Is there anyone here from Cork?"
Cork People: "Yeahhhhh!!"
etc. etc.
MC: "Is there anyone here from Limerick?"
Limerick People: "Yeahhhh!!"
MC: "Well the rest of yiz, mind your bleedin' handbags!"
###################
My mate's mother was walking towards a bus stop on parnell street. A bus pulled in just before she reached the stop she went up to talk to the bus driver.....
Mate's mother: "What number bus is this?"
Bus driver: "Its a 40, it says so on the front"
Mate's mother: "Yeah, but it says 40a on the side and 40c on the back?!"
Bus driver: "Well I'm not going sideways or backwards!!!"
###################
My brother was in Mulligans pub on Poolbeg street having a pint at the bar when a yank came up and said to the barman "Excuse me sir, where is your bathroom?". So the barman gave him directions and off went the yank. A few minutes later the yank returns and says to the barman "Excuse me sir, there's no lock on the door". The barman replied without looking up from the pint of Guinness he was pulling "As long as I've been here, no-one ever tried to rob a shite."
###################
Was in a particularly long queue in the GPO today with two howya's behind me (1 male and 1 female).
Male says to female:
'For jaysus' sake, we'll be queuing all day I'm nearly sober now!!!'
###################
Country girl gets on no. 16 bus and asks driver how much is the fare?
Driver replies: "where are you going?"
Country Girl says : "To get my hair done!!!!"
###################
Waiting for a train to Drogheda one winters night at Connolly Station,the announcer comes on the p.a. and says "Platform change, can all passengers transfer to platform 5 for the northbound service to Drogheda, Platform 5 please" Everyone, bar this one dude with headphones on, moves over to platform 5. The announcer comes on the p.a. again "I SAID ALL PASSENGERS MOVE TO PLATFORM 5" obviously pissed off that he's had to repeat himself. Guy with the headphones doesnt move. Announcer comes on again "ARE YA BLEEDIN DEF OR WHA??!!"
I love Irish Rail staff..
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