Someone asked me how we usually view lesbians in this country.
Apparently, "usually in HD" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Saw a guy missing his left arm and leg, and asked how he was doing.
"Eh, I'm alright."

Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?
The cops finally nailed him.

Three tech gurus were sentenced to be executed. They were to be executed by a century old guillotine. The first guy, a microsoft engineer is secured at the bottom of the frame. The blade is released but slows down gradually and stops a few inches before the nape of his neck.
Considering it as a divine intervention, he is pardoned and let free.
The next was a IOS apps developer, who was similarly secured. and surprisingly the guillotine stops short of his neck and he is pardoned as well. Finally, it's the linux system admin guy. As he is waiting his time, the blade stops midtime during the decent. The linux guy turns his head and sees a creased rusted protrusion in the frame. Then in his loud voice exclaims, 'ah, i see ,that's where the problem is.....
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . He was hanged to death after telling the executioner to READ THE FUCKING MANUAL

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