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…NIECODZIENNIK SATYRYCZNO-PROWOKUJĄCY

You Know You Need Another Lawyer When...

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Click for adviceSure it’s best not to... But if you should ever get into trouble... I mean REAL trouble, and need a lawyer - here are some useful tips on what to avoid and how to tell your choice might just not to be the perfect one ;)

* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser".
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose".

* During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger".

* Every couple of minutes, he yells "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He calls recess and asks "Got any ideas, genius?"

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever".

* He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* He begins closing arguments with "Well, as Ally McBeal once said..."

* He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla vs. Mothra.

* Just before your trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* He thinks he’ll win your case, "because there’s a first time for everything".

* He starts off his opening with, "anyone got a light?"

* Whenever he says, "Your Honor", he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practising Law Since 2:45".

* He begins by telling jury, "You all look like you should be on Jerry Springer".

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs".

* His phone number: 1-900-SHYSTER.

* He introduces you to his law partners, Jim Beam and Johnny Walker.

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