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Cynic's Dictionary

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DENTURES:
Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

DNA:
A complex organic molecule characterized as the building block of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.

FIBER:
Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

FUNERAL HOME:
A stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.

METALLURGIST:
A man who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.

MINUTE MAN:
One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.

MORNING:
The time of day when the rising generation retires, and the retiring generation arises.

MOTHER’S DAY:
Nine months after father’s day.


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