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Working Week Wackypack II

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Here comes the sequel, creme de la creme from the English Forum. Sit back, sip and enjoy.

 

A man went to his boss’ costume party with nothing on but a naked woman on his back.

 

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.

 

"I’m a snail," the man replied.

 

"What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all

you’ve got is that naked woman on your back?"

 

"You’ve got it wrong," the man replied. "That’s Michelle."

 

by buh

 

*****

 

Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

 

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

 

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can’t find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

 

Mickey (exasperated): Your honor! I didn’t say she was crazy... I said she was fu**ing Goofy!

 

by Milky

 

*****
Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

 

- I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won’t have any butter for your corn on the cob the rest of your life; better still; you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won’t have any butter for anything the rest of your life!

 

THEN POOF!....she was gone. After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred.

 

- Fred, where are you?

- I’m over here, in the Pussywillows.

-         DON’T SWING FRED!!! For God sake, DON’T SWING!!

 

by wilczur

 

*****

 

An Asian man walked into a currency exchange in NYC with 2000 yen

and walked out with $72.

 

The following week he again walked in with 2000 yen, but only

received $66. He asked the teller why he received less money than

the previous week.

 

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

 

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door,

turned around and said,

 

"Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

 

by strzelec

 

*****

 

One day, George W. Bush was in an airport lobby when he couldn’t help but notice a very tall striking man standing on his own in the departure lounge. The man was wearing a long flowing white robe, and had a long flowing white beard, flowing white hair, a staff in one hand and some stone tablets in the other.

GWB was so sure he knew who he was that he felt he had to say something to him. So GWB approached him and asked, "You’re Moses, aren’t you."

The man just stared at the ground and totally ignored GWB.

GWB wasn’t going to give up on this, so he stood right in front of the man and again asked, this time more loudly, " You’re Moses, aren’t you."

The man continued to stare at the floor.

GWB was having none of this. He grabbed hold of the man’s arm and asked once again, " You’re Moses, aren’t you."

At last the man looked up and answered, "Yes, I am Moses".

GWB then asked, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yes, I know who you are. That’s why I tried to ignore you. The last time I spoke to a Bush, I had to spend forty years in the desert".

 

by lennox

 

*****

 

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can’t because the bigger moles

are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell

is ...

...

...

...

MOLASSES

 

by estaban

 

*****

 

A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain’t from around here, are ya....... where ya from, boy?"

 

The guy says, "I’m from Iowa."

 

The bartender asks, "What th’ hell you do in Iowa?"

 

The guy responds, "I’m a taxidermist."

 

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th’ hell is a taxidermist?"

 

The guy says "I mount animals."

 

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It’s OK boys, he’s one of us!"

 

by Milky

 

*****

 

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long

before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop

and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

 

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and

asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks

around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

 

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,

"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around

the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.

 

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey,

Bill, do me a favor, will ’ya? Follow that guy and see where

he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut,

but then doesn’t ever come back."

 

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing

hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he

left here?"

 

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

 

by Reszka

 

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