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Mothers are not always right

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Kliknij i zobacz więcej!WARNING: this article is highly controversial. It may result in people rioting in the streets. No, it’s nothing to do with cartoons or religion. I have an even more contentious issue to raise: Mothers are not always right.
          There. I said it. Now before I am lynched by hordes of outraged adult women, let me qualify my statement by saying that mothers know best 99.99999 per cent of the time. But there have been 20 occasions in history when mothers TOTALLY screwed up.
1. The mother of Noah: “You’re not going out without sunscreen and a hat. It’s going to be a scorcher.”
2. The mother of the Hulk: “Eat your greens and you’ll grow up big and strong.”
3. The mother of Paris Hilton: “No one ever made a career out of being a rich, spoiled brat.”
4. The mother of Jason, who fought the Cyclops: “Don’t run with scissors, you’ll have someone’s eye out.”
5. The mother of Mahatma Gandhi: “Ditch the loin cloth and put on a nice gray suit if you want people to remember you.”
6. The mother of Scott of the Antarctic: “Wear a scarf or you’ll catch your death.”
7. The mother of Michelangelo: “Micky, I am going to whip your butt until you learn never to scrawl on walls again—not to mention the ceiling.
8. The mother of Orville and Wilbur Wright: “You boys’ll never get anywhere if you go around with your heads in the clouds.”
9. The mother of Jonah: “Three days and nights you vanish: you don’t phone, you don’t write, you come up with these bizarre excuses, what’s a mother supposed to think already?”
10. The mother of Condaleeza Rice: “Politics? You sassing me? The only way a girl like you is going to get anywhere is to learn some secretarial skills.”
11. The mother of Bill Gates: “If you’re going to drop out of college and hang out with your nerdy friends, don’t come running to me when you find yourself starving and penniless.”
12. The mother of Charlie Chaplin: “Mommy’s bought you some special orthopedic leg braces so your feet won’t stick out any more.”
13. The mother of Jimi Hendrix: “Jimi, dear, I’m selling the guitar so I can spend the money on violin lessons.”
14. The mother of Albert Einstein: “When you grow up, you’ll find that sitting around thinking about the nature of time and space won’t pay the grocery bills.”
15. The mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger: “Put the dining table down, Arnie. Showing off never got anybody anywhere.”
16. The mother of George W. Bush: “You’ll never be like your dad, who became President of the United States and started his own war.”
17. The mother of Elvis: “I’ve booked you in for some cosmetic surgery to fix that curl in your upper lip, and here’s a brace for the twitch in your hips.”
18. The mother of Moses: “Enough with the complaining already. Eat your milk and honey. You expect food to fall out of the sky?”
19. The mothers of John Lennon and Paul McCartney: “Stop that howling or we’ll enroll the pair of you in an accountancy course.”
20. The mother of Mona Lisa: “C’mon, give us a big smile, honey: is that the best you can do?”

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