Top 25 Signs Your Dryer Is Trying To Kill You

Ever get this uneasy feeling some is lurking at you? Ever sense their ill wishes? Do not ignore them. Your life may really be in danger...

* Washing machine found with hoses cut; "You’re next" written in Woolite

* It tries to lure you inside by hiding one of your socks

* Immediately stops whispered conversations with washer when you walk in the room

* When you walk by, it hisses softly at you

* Caught passing notes to the water heater, trying to get it to explode

* Dryer sheets are laced with cyanide instead of fabric softener

* Large pile of (highly flammable) dryer lint next to water heater

* Only works when you open the door and put your hand in

* You wake up with a mouthful of lint every morning

* It keeps catching on fire

* Whispers subliminal suicide messages to you in the quiet of the night

* Some dryers eat socks, yours eats fingers

* Ad for contract killer in local paper

* You find its power cord tied across basement stairs as trip cord

* Creates new usenet group: alt.[your_name].die.die.die

* Gun hidden under the dryer sheets

* It chases you every time you use it

* Ate the Laundry Basket as a warning

* Caught in police sting operation, trying to hire a contract killer

* George W. Bush has drafted you and your dryer to die in Iraq

* You smell gas around it even when it isn’t running

* Heats up so much, the weather satellite says you town registers at 300 degrees

* Socks with holes...You figure it out?

* Hands you a glass of wine and says, "Bottoms up!"

* Hear it singing, "Jimmy Hoffa, Martin Luther King, and YOOOOUUU..."