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Sex Insults - sometimes they deserve it

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  1. She’s only the Captain’s daughter, but her naval base is always full of discharged seamen.

  2. Don’t condemn bestial porn; without it, your father wouldn’t have been attracted to your mother.

  3. Sex with her is like riding a pig around a pigpen.

  4. I can picture him with pieced nipples and hoisting himself over the rafter with chains attached to the rings in them.

  5. He climbed up a chicken’s ass hoping he could get ’laid.’

  6. If all else fails cover your dick with marmite and call the dog in.

  7. He wasn’t so much born, more something that grew from a used tampon and some jizz.

  8. Rumor has it he wasn’t actually born, more something that germinated from a discarded test tube contaminated by an over-masturbating syphilitic laboratory technician’s jizz in Guatemala.

  1. He’s the only man who can make the skin crawl on his right hand - just by touching himself.

  2. He often had to slip himself a Rohypnol and half a Viagra just to have a wank.

  3. His right hand later trapped itself in a machine and was amputated, rather than continue to have ’sex’ with him.

  4. He can point at his ’ringpeice’ to number his friends: a big, fat zero.

  5. He last had sex with another human being in 1988. (His poor mother is still in intensive therapy because of it.)

  6. Do yourself a favor and choke on your grandmother’s left tit.

  7. She’s been down on everything except the Titanic.

  8. I am well-accustomed to women falling to their knees around me. In fact, for many years, I thought that was how women walked.

  9. You are well-accustomed to dart stings from elephant guns, cattle prods, tear gas canisters, and other protective devices used to keep your buffalo-sized lust-fueled mass away from those terrified, hapless victims it stampedes towards.

  10. Don’t knock felchers: without the practice your father wouldn’t have been able to suck you out of your mother’s rectum at birth.

  11. Sex is like riding a bike...expect for you where it’s like riding a pig around a pigpen.

  12. His code for ’I’m going to have sex’ is "Hello, is that Cheapdeals Whore Service?"

  13. Her tragedy is that the money her parents saved for her gender reassignment surgery had to be used for her cranium-rectal inversion reversal surgery instead.

  14. I wonder if there is someone somewhere who has dressed his vacuum cleaner in exotic lingerie and is making ’love’ to it?

  15. Computer sex is dangerous. Last time I tried it, I got a vital body part caught in the CD.

  16. A thong is a manufacturer’s way of selling 10% of the clothe for twice the price.

  17. Your mom is like a vacuum: she sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet every night.

  18. Easy women wear Velcro panties for quick access.

  19. I’m not implying that she is frigid, but if you go to sniff her pussy, your breath will freeze.

  20. I’m not implying that she is frigid, but her pussy has a summer job providing extra storage for Iceland.

  21. She grew up thinking semen was face cream...or so her brothers told her.

  22. You’re the kind of guy who buys STDs from a viral lab just to make it look like you get laid.

  23. A threesome is rather ambitious for you. Try graduating from a onesome to a twosome first.

  24. At the age of 12, he was molested by his circus trainer. To this day, if you throw him a fish, he’ll give you a blow job.

  25. His name is Greek for "Overly-fucked anus."

  26. He puts pubic hairs between his teeth just to make it look like he gets laid.

  27. I wouldn’t fuck her with a stolen dick!

  28. An outbreak of crabs is more welcome in a brothel than he is.

  29. She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

  30. I’m not implying that he’s a pervert, but he has an "Open For Kinkiness" sign on his bedroom door.

  31. The ’girls’ all scatter as you chase them forlornly, scraping your knuckles against the ground.

  32. I have it on good authority that you have an impressive collection of oblong-shaped vegetables used for improper rectal self-pleasuring purposes.

  33. My visualization of you is of an acne-encrusted, balding, 35-stone, 4’7" dwarf in his parents’ basement - surrounded by semen-stained handkerchiefs and old copies of BESTIALITY TODAY.

  34. I had phone sex once. It was quite amusing to see the receiver stick to the ear of the next person to use it.

  35. Why doesn’t your pet rabbit hop anymore? Was it you cut off its legs off so it couldn’t scratch your balls as you banged it?

  36. You squalid squealing sow in silk suspenders!

  37. He puts pubic hairs between his teeth just to make it look like he gets laid.

  38. His best pick-up line is: "Here sheepi"

If this is still not enough for your filthy needs you can find more at which is the source of this text.

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